How to make friends if you are shy: a practical guide for reserved people

Shyness may seem like an insurmountable barrier when it comes to forming friendships.

However, with the right strategies, even the most reserved individuals can build enriching connections.

In this article on how to make friends if you are shy, I offer a series of practical tips to help shy or reserved people expand their social circle.

Discover my advice now.

6 Tips on How to Make Friends if You Are Shy

1 – Join Interest Groups

The first tip is to join interest groups.

Joining interest groups is an excellent way to meet people with shared passions.

Whether your passion is music, sports, reading, or something else, there are many local or online clubs and groups where you can get involved.

By actively participating in these groups, you create natural opportunities for social interactions, thus facilitating the formation of friendships on a common ground.

It is precisely this shared passion that will ease interactions within these groups and consequently help you feel more comfortable than usual.

It’s often in these contexts that friendships or new romantic relationships are born.

How to Choose the Right Group?

When looking to join an interest group to expand your social circle, it’s essential to choose a group that not only matches your interests but also your comfort level.

Here are some tips to help you in this process:

Identify Your Interests: First, make a list of your passions and interests. This can range from artistic activities to sports, technology, or gastronomy. This step will help you target groups that truly match what excites you.
Search for Suitable Groups: Use online resources, social networks, or even local bulletin boards to find groups that match your interests. Don’t hesitate to ask for recommendations from friends or colleagues.
Consider the Group’s Size: The size of the group is an important factor. If you are more introverted or shy, perhaps start with smaller groups where it is easier to connect with individuals. Larger groups may offer more diversity and activities but can also be more intimidating.
Type of Activities Offered: Consider the type of activities offered by the group. Do you prefer informal meetings, group discussions, or practical activities? Make sure the format of the activities makes you comfortable and matches what you are looking for.
Overall Atmosphere of the Group: The atmosphere and culture of the group are crucial. Try attending a few meetings or activities before fully committing. This will allow you to feel the general vibe and see if you feel welcomed and comfortable.
Level of Commitment Required: Assess the level of commitment required by the group. Some groups may have expectations in terms of participation or frequency of attendance. Make sure this matches your schedule and comfort level.
Openness and Diversity: Look for groups that value openness and diversity. A welcoming and inclusive group will be more conducive to comfortable and enriching interactions.

By following these tips, you will be better able to choose an interest group that not only matches your passions but is also in line with your personality and social comfort level.

This will increase your chances of having positive experiences and developing real friendships.

Now, I suggest moving on to the second tip which is to use social networks to your advantage.

2 – Use Social Networks to Your Advantage

Social networks offer a less intimidating platform for social interactions.

Joining online groups or forums that match your interests allows you to participate in discussions without the pressure of face-to-face interactions.

Comment, ask questions, and engage with other members. Over time, these online interactions can turn into real-world friendships.

But don’t limit yourself to this!

Use social networks as research tools to identify opportunities to participate in events that bring together people passionate about the same subjects.

If you limit yourself to the virtual world, networks will not be useful. So use them to your advantage to expand your circles of acquaintances.

How to Choose the Right Groups or Forums on Social Networks?

To choose the right groups or forums on social networks, it’s important to follow a thoughtful approach that takes into account your interests, communication style, and socialization goals.

Here are some steps and tips to help you in this selection:

Define Your Interests and Passions: Start by clearly identifying what you are passionate about. This could be a hobby, a professional field, a music genre, a social cause, etc. A clear definition of your interests will help you target relevant groups .
Targeted Search: Use the search tools of social media platforms to find groups that match your interests. You can use specific keywords related to your passions to refine your search.
Evaluate the Group’s Size and Activity: Consider the size of the group and its level of activity. A small group may offer a more intimate and friendly atmosphere, while a large group can provide a greater diversity of perspectives and opinions. Also check how often members post and interact.
Read the Group’s Description and Rules: Take time to read the group’s description and its rules. This will give you an idea of the group’s atmosphere, its objectives, and how it is managed.
Observe Existing Interactions: Before joining a group, spend some time observing interactions between members. This will give you insight into the group’s dynamics and how members communicate with each other.
Gradual Participation: Once you have joined a group, start by observing discussions without necessarily intervening right away. This will help you understand the tone and communication style of the group. Begin to participate gradually by commenting or asking questions.
Safety and Privacy: Be aware of your safety and privacy. Avoid sharing sensitive personal information and be cautious in your interactions, especially if you plan to meet group members in person.
Listen to Your Intuition: Finally, listen to your intuition. If you feel comfortable and stimulated by discussions in a group, that’s probably a good sign. If, on the other hand, you feel uncomfortable or devalued, it might be better to look for another group.

By following these steps, you will increase your chances of finding groups or forums that not only match your interests but where you also feel comfortable participating and interacting.

Now, I suggest moving on to the third tip which is to practice active listening.

3 – Practice Active Listening

Active listening is a crucial skill in communication.

When you engage in a conversation, truly focus on what the other person is saying.

Show interest in their words by asking open-ended questions and responding appropriately.

This demonstrates that you value your conversational partner’s opinion, which is fundamental in establishing a bond of trust and mutual respect.

Active listening is a communication technique that involves not only hearing the other’s words but also understanding the complete message they’re trying to convey, including the emotions and intentions underneath.

Learning to be fully present is the greatest gift you can offer to others.

If you’re interested in the topic of active listening, I invite you to read my comprehensive article on how to practice active listening.

For a deeper understanding of this topic, you can read a book on active listening or train in active listening remotely.

How to Start Actively Listening in Daily Life?

Starting to practice active listening in everyday life is an excellent way to strengthen your communication skills and build deeper, more meaningful relationships.

To begin, set yourself the goal of being fully present in each conversation.

This means putting aside distractions, like your phone or your own thoughts, and focusing entirely on the person speaking.

Listen not only to the words but also to the tone of voice, the pauses, and the underlying emotions.

Show your interest by nodding your head and maintaining appropriate eye contact. When it’s your turn to speak, reflect what the other has said to confirm your understanding, for example: “If I understand correctly, you feel…”.

Ask open-ended questions that encourage your conversational partner to share more, and avoid interrupting or preparing your response while they are speaking.

Active listening is an exercise in patience and empathy: by practicing regularly, you will not only develop a better understanding of others but also improve the quality of your social interactions.

Now, I suggest moving on to the fourth tip which is to establish social routines.

4 – Establish Social Routines

Creating social routines can greatly help in regularly meeting people.

Choose a place you enjoy, such as a cafe, park, or library, and try to frequent it regularly.

This familiarity with a place and its regulars can create a sense of comfort and facilitate interactions.

Over time, these regular visits can lead to spontaneous conversations and the formation of new friendships.

Identify any type of organized activity by these environments that can promote communication between people.

For example, libraries often organize meetings around cultural themes. Music conservatories are also interesting places to meet new people.

Also, look at events organized by your city hall that promote socialization.

How to Behave in a Library or Cafe?

An effective strategy for meeting people in places like a library or cafe involves a combination of regular presence and subtle, respectful interactions.

In a library, start by choosing a space where you feel comfortable and where it’s appropriate to engage in conversation – often near common reading areas or near shelves of books of common interest.

You can start a conversation by asking a simple, non-intrusive question, such as asking for recommendations on a book or making a comment about a book that the person is looking at.

It’s important to respect the quiet nature of the space, so favor brief and discreet interactions.

In a cafe, sit in a place where it’s easy to observe and join interactions, like the bar or a communal table. A good starting point can be to comment on something unique in the environment, like the art on the walls or the music selection.

You can also engage in conversation with the staff, which can naturally evolve into exchanges with other customers.

Keep in mind that many people come to cafes to work or relax alone, so it’s crucial to respect their space and time.

In both cases, the key aspect is to be open and friendly , while remaining aware of the other person’s social signals.

If they seem receptive, continue the conversation; if they seem busy or uninterested, respect their space.

Over time, these interactions can turn into more in-depth conversations and potentially friendships.

Now, I suggest moving on to the fifth tip which is to accept invitations more often.

5 – Accept Invitations More Often

Even though it can be a source of anxiety, accepting invitations to social events is a crucial step.

Every life experience is an opportunity to practice your interaction skills and gradually reduce your shyness.

Remember that regular exposure to social situations can improve your ease and increase your chances of meeting potential friends.

If this seems too difficult, you can prepare a strategy in advance to feel more comfortable.

For this, you can use implementation intentions.

These are if… then phrases that allow you to anticipate how you will react in specific situations.

An implementation intention might be:

if someone does not behave nicely towards me, I will go talk to other people

if I feel excluded from a conversation, then I will look for a small group of people and ask them an open question to start a discussion

if I start to feel anxious, then I will take a break to breathe deeply and refocus

These are examples of how having a good strategy can help you better manage situations that you tend to avoid because they seem too complicated to handle.

Now, I suggest moving on to the sixth tip which is to work on self-confidence.

6 – Work on Self-Confidence

Self-confidence plays an essential role in life in general and also in the ability to make friends.

Therefore, it’s important to identify areas of your life where you feel unsure of yourself and look for ways to improve them.

Whether through reading personal development books, self-esteem workshops, or even life coaching, strengthening your self-confidence will help you feel more comfortable in social interactions.

Remember that confidence is a skill that is acquired over time and practice.

Be patient with yourself and do not hesitate to seek help if necessary.

Strengthening self-esteem and self-confidence is important, but it is also essential to protect self-esteem.

For example, social networks can affect self-confidence because they most often highlight an idealized version of people’s lives.

In reality, real life is not always idyllic, and we all have highs and lows in our lives.

This is completely normal, and it is important to remember that.

Meeting certain people in your private life can also negatively affect self-esteem.

In this case, it is important to be proactive in trying to act on these relationships to make them healthier.

If this is not possible or feasible, you may decide to reduce the time you spend with these people.

Some activities that you continue to practice can also influence both self-esteem and self-confidence.

For example, you may practice a sport that you do not like just out of habit.

By finding a sport that plays to your strengths, you can think about your health while feeling more confident in practicing it.

Conclusion

Making friends as a shy person requires time, effort, and perseverance.

By following these tips and staying open to new experiences, you can gradually overcome your shyness and establish meaningful relationships.

Each small step is a move towards a wider and more enriching social circle.

Focus on your progress and continue to move positively forward in your life.

To go further, I advise you to read the following articles: how to overcome shyness, how to become more sociable and how to assert yourself at work and in private life.

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Français : Comment se faire des amis quand on est timide
Italiano: Come fare amicizia se siete timidi