How to overcome the fear of rejection
In this article, you will discover useful tips on how to overcome the fear of rejection.
This is one of the main fears I have observed in my clients in my life coaching practice.
Before moving on to the tips, it is important to give a definition of this fear.
The fear of rejection is the fear of not being appreciated or loved by others.
This fear is linked to self-esteem and also impacts self-confidence.
Since we build our identity as much through the relationship we have with ourselves as through the one we build with others, this fear is carved in our unconscious and we all share it, even if at different levels.
But if the fear of rejection becomes too strong, it can have negative consequences on both our personal and professional lives.
In this sense, Sommer & Baumeister (2002) show that people exposed to implicit (or unconscious) rejection with low self-esteem are less persistent, and evaluate themselves less positively or more negatively than people with high self-esteem.
This fear is related to self-esteem in the sense that you attribute more importance to the judgment of others than to your own evaluation of yourself.
As a result, you may either avoid relationships with others or choose to be dependent on them.
By limiting yourself in your actions and emotions, you respect and value yourself much less than you could. This has a negative impact on your self-esteem.
Since self-esteem influences self-confidence and vice versa, you also feel that you are not competent enough to accomplish what is important in your life.
This can lead some people to experience what is called impostor syndrome.
To learn more about this topic, I suggest you read the article on how to overcome impostor syndrome.
In this article, I will give you practical and easy-to-implement tips to improve your self-esteem and self-confidence in order to start overcoming the fear of rejection.
So without further ado, let’s move to the first tip.
1 – Define what is acceptable for you
You cannot continue to be limited by the fear of not being liked or appreciated or recognized by others.
It’s time to start protecting yourself without preventing you from taking advantage of all the wonderful opportunities that are available to you.
One way to do this is to define what is acceptable or fair to you by defining the new rules of the game that you want to implement in your life.
If until now one of these rules was: when others reject me I feel bad or I devaluate myself, the new rule could be: when others reject me they are expressing a point of view that belongs to them but I decide to believe that I have value regardless of their opinion.
You are free to set your own rules without limiting yourself.
But setting a new rule is not enough!
To overcome the fear of rejection, you need to start implementing this rule into your life as much as possible.
At first, this will not be easy and you will experience both victories and defeats.
But with repetition, you will become a new person with better self-esteem and confidence.
A confidence coach can support you to accelerate this process of change and allow you to better manage the fear of rejection to achieve your professional and personal goals.
Now let’s move on to the second tip.
2 – Prepare your territory in advance
The fear of rejection can affect the whole of some people’s lives.
But most often, this fear concerns very specific situations.
One of the most useful ways to deal with these psychologically stressful situations is to prepare the stage in advance by using visualization or meditation techniques.
Before facing a professional or personal situation that you feel uncomfortable with, you can imagine acting as you prefer in front of people.
This exercise will help you better manage unpleasant emotions once you are confronted with these events.
You can also prepare your speech in advance by practicing regularly.
This is especially true if you need to speak in public.
If you need to feel more comfortable in public, you can take advantage of the expertise of a communication and public speaking coach.
Another very effective tool to reassure yourself about your feelings of rejection is to use implementation intentions.
These are phrases that describe the actions you want to take and that you define in advance in order to better respond to a given situation.
These implementation intentions generally take the structure “if…then”.
For example, if my interlocutor rejects me in a rude way, I assert myself in a confident way.
Your implementation intentions will be consistent with the rules you defined in the first tip.
To complete this phase of mental preparation, you can also use mental contrast.
This consists of thinking in advance of anything that might prevent you from acting as you would like to act in order to find solutions to these problems in advance.
This way, you will feel better prepared to face the reality of your professional or personal life.
Now, let’s look at the third tip.
3 – Overcome the fear of rejection on a daily basis
Now that you have defined your new life rules and prepared the groundwork in advance, you are ready to take action.
The best way to overcome the fear of rejection is to practice every day to face situations that may produce rejection, even if to a smaller degree.
For example, if you feel like asking your employer for extra days off, but you’ve been hesitating for weeks, take action and as soon as you arrive at work, ask for those vacation days right away.
Your goal is to take small actions every day where there is a risk of rejection in order to get used to dealing with a possible refusal from others.
You will see that by practicing this simple exercise you will have less and less apprehension about rejection.
But in addition, you will see that you will receive much fewer rejections than you expected.
If you are having difficulty taking these small, regular actions, it is because you are letting your negative internal dialogue limit you.
If you want to solve this problem, you can read my article on how to overcome negative self-talk.
Another effective way to handle the fear of rejection is to act without thinking.
In practice, you act as quickly as possible without analyzing the situation.
Count to 3 and take some action that might cause rejection from the other person.
With time, you will develop a habit and the rejection will have far less impact on you.
If you want to accelerate your change process, you can take advantage of the expertise of a life coach.
Now, let’s move on to the fourth tip.
4 – Stop being self-critical
Protecting your self-esteem is essential to get rid of the fear of rejection.
But how can you possibly accomplish this if you don’t stop criticizing yourself?
If you want to overcome the fear of rejection, you need to build self-esteem and self-confidence.
One effective way to do this is to learn to evaluate yourself more objectively.
But what are the reasons for this incessant criticism?
You often criticize yourself because you have developed this unproductive habit.
At the same time, you judge yourself because you focus only on your weaknesses, on your failures of the past and the present.
If you start to notice your small and big wins, if you focus on your innate qualities and skills, you will be able to decrease self-judgment.
It will take time, but if you use every opportunity to acknowledge yourself by taking credit for what you do, you will be able to appreciate and love yourself more.
This will allow you to have a better opinion of yourself and therefore better self-esteem.
Your tendency to criticize regularly may also be related to a model of perfection that you are trying to conform to.
By making your self-evaluation based on an unattainable goal, you are exposing yourself more to failure and criticism.
If you are faced with this situation, I suggest you read my article on how to stop being a perfectionist at work and in your private life.
Now, let’s move to the fifth tip.
5 – Create your own tribe
In the previous tip, I explained the importance to learn how to evaluate yourself more fairly.
This same tip also applies to the people you interact with most of your time.
The people with whom you share your life have an influence on your mind.
For this reason, it is important to spend most of your time with people who have a positive influence on you.
According to Gailliot & Baumeister (2007), the sense of belonging has a positive effect on self-esteem.
Now that you have this information, it is up to you to take action to improve your professional and personal circle.
This way, you will be less exposed to rejection, you will benefit from more acceptance, and you will be able to increase self-confidence at work and in your personal life.
By developing a more objective view of the people you interact with, you will be able to create a group of supportive people who motivate you to be more yourself.
Conclusion on overcoming the fear of rejection
In this article, I have provided you with some tips on how to overcome the fear of rejection.
If you want to take advantage of the expertise of a coach, write us now by using our contact form to book your first free consultation or call us by phone or WhatsApp at +33 6 69 46 03 79.
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